The Actress – SNL


>>I’VE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE IT
AS AN ACTRESS FOR YEARS, BUT I WAS SICK OF DOING COMMERCIALS OF
PLAYING ONE DIMENSIONAL WOMEN WITH VACANT LIVES.
THEN ONE DAY, LIFE CAME KNOCKING.
THIS TIME WITH A CHALLENGE.>>EXCUSE ME.
HELLO. I’M GRACE.
ARE YOU THE DIRECTOR OF THE FILM?
>>WHAT?>>I’M THE LEAD ACTRESS.
I PLAY THE WOMAN WHO GETS CHEATED ON IN THE GAY PORN.
>>OH, YEAH.>>I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT MY
LINE IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT. I OPEN THE DOOR, AND I SAY,
JARED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NOT WITH MY GOD SON.
LIKE THAT? IS THAT MY GOD SON?
>>YEAH.>>FASCINATING.
>>YOU’LL PUT ON WHATEVER YOU WANT FROM THE WOMAN THING.
YOU’LL GET YOUR MEAL VOUCHER AFTER WE WRAP.
>>OH, THANK YOU. OH, LUBE.
THE DIRECTOR’S METHOD WAS GUIDANCE REGARDING THE
CHARACTER. ALL I HAD WERE CLUES, PIECES, A
PUZZLE OF THIS WOMAN’S LIFE. TWO PAIRS OF LOOSE SWEAT PANTS,
A SINGLE UGG BOOT, A COUPLE OF BATTERIES AND SOME HAPPY
2017 GLASSES. WHO ARE YOU, DEER DRAZ?
THAT’S THE NAME I GAVE HER. THE FIRST SCENE WAS ROUGH.
>>ACTION!>>I WAS HAVING TROUBLE FINDING
HER. I’M GOING TO THE MALL.
PERHAPS I’LL GET SOME FLOWERS TO BRIGHTEN UP THE PLACE.
THE HOUSE COULD USE SOME COLOR, NO?
IF YOU NEED ME, YOU CAN REACH ME ON MY CELL PHONE.
>>CUT. JUST SAY WHAT’S IN THE SCRIPT.
>>I WAS JUST TRYING TO ACT AS DEIRDRE.
>>THERE’S NOTHING TO HER. PEOPLE ARE JUST GOING TO SCROLL
PAST YOU SO THEY CAN GET OFF. SHE HAS NO PAST, NO FUTURE.
SHE EXISTS ONLY TO BE CHEATED ON.
SAY WHAT’S ON THE SCRIPT.>>THANK YOU.
>>ACTION!>>JARED, I’M GETTING MY NAILS
AT THE MALL. NOW TEACH MY GODSON PUSHUPS
RIGHT BEFORE OUR WEDDING, JARED.>>CUT.
THAT’S GREAT. NICE AND FLAT.
ON TO THE REAL STUFF. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO WATCH, YOU
CAN SIT ON A FOLDING CHAIR JUST OUTSIDE.
I’LL CALL YOU WHEN IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO CATCH THEM IN THE ACT.
>>WHEN THEY BETRAY ME. I WAS RIDDLED.
JARED, HOW COULD YOU? I DIDN’T KNOW IF I WOULD FIND
DEIRDRE IN TIME. NOT WITH MY GOD SON.
JARED, JARED.>>WIFE, WE’RE READY FOR YOU.
>>AND THEN JUST WHEN I THOUGHT SHE’D NEVER COME TO ME.
>>ACTION.>>SHE DID.
>>JARED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NOT WITH MY GOD SON.
>>I SAW THE RICH AND BEAUTIFUL BACK STORY OF THIS WOMAN.
HER CHILDHOOD, HER FIRST JOB, THE NIGHT SHE MET JARED.
>>THREE, TWO, ONE, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
>>THE PROMISES SHE WAS TOLD.>>I WILL LOVE YOU, A WOMAN,
FOREVER.>>HER GOD SON’S 18th BIRTHDAY.
>>I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE BATTERIES.
>>AND ALL ANOTHER TIMES SHE WAS BLINDSIDED BY LIFE.
>>JARED, SOMEONE BROKE IN AND STOLE MY LEFT UGG BOOT.
JARED, YOU HAVE A SECOND CELL PHONE?
JARED, WHY IS MY GOD SON SLEEPING OVER?
I FELT THE BRUISES AND SCARS FROM THE PAST.
I SAW WHAT LED HER HERE. YOU WOULD NEVER HURT ME.
AND I SAW HER IN THE PRESENT, WALKING IN ON THE LOVE OF HER
LIFE WITH HER GOD SON. AND THEN DEIRDRE TOOK OVER AND
SAID — JARED, I FORGIVE YOU.
>>CUT. WE’LL EDIT THAT OUT.
JUST GIVE HER THE MEAL VOUCHER.>>DEIRDRE, HOW DO I GET YOU OUT
OF ME? I CAN’T TAKE YOU WITH ME.
I’M SORRY. THIS IS IT.
GOOD-BYE.>>OH, HOW DID I GET LUBE ON ME?

100 comments

  1. Forget about me and all the crazy stuff I said. You should find the love your looking for and I know it's not me

  2. dont get me wrong, i think this is great.. but i feel like these recorded features kinda defeat the purpose of the show.. does it not ? i mean, i know theyve been doing it for a while, just seems more frequent.. and kinda flies in the face of the LIVE part of snl.. dontcha think ?

  3. OMG! This was so funny. I origanally hated this because my grandmother turned down the volume and I had no idea what this was about.

  4. Dear SNL I need the following people to be five timers club
    Emma Stone
    Ryan Gosling
    Drake (Seriously make that happen)
    Peter Dinklage
    Chris Pine and Chris Hemsworth

  5. If she goes through all the trouble of making a character and fleshing out her back story, why does she leave out an important detail like her godson’s name? It would be an important detail the character would know.

  6. Me trying to figure out my part as a sad housewife in 8th grade when the only description they gave her was fat and nice

  7. Emma Stone is a really talented actress. I have to give huge props to Beck Bennett too. He is such a great addition to SNL.

  8. This is just so spot on for women who long for meaningful work after their children don't need them anymore.
    But nobody takes them serious as they have been working only part-time, so they try to convince themselves and others, that whatever underpaid job they do is meaningful. It's pretty depressing.

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