If you want a man to be deeply in love with
you, he must be a little bit worried about losing you. In this video, I’m going to
explain why the fear of losing you is so critical to love and I’m going to tell you the five
steps to make sure he loves, values, and appreciates you more than ever.. Don’t go anywhere because
we are starting right now. hi everyone. I’m dr Antonio Borrello, and
I’m a psychologist and relationship coach. This channel is all about helping you build
great relationships so you can grow happy with the people you love. So, if you’re
interested in making your love life the best part of your life, start now by clicking the
subscribe button and the bell notification so you aren’t missing anything. OK.. on
to our topic why a man needs to fear losing you. Some of you will probably object to the following
statement. And that is, If your man never experiences any fear or worry of losing you,
he will never fall deeply in love with you. Let me say it in a different way..
If he never worries that you would leave him or that he could lose you, he will never value,
appreciate and love you the way he should. Not convinced?. .
Well let me give you some examples that I know you can relate to and then I’ll explain
the theory that supports it… I’m going to start with a scenario of two people noticing
their attraction towards one another and beginning to flirt with each other. So, imagine yourself in this situation.. You’ve
just met a man that you’re liking.. you find him handsome, charming, and funny. The
two of you start flirting and getting to know one another and you find yourself more and
more attracted to him. And of course, you start to imagine what it
will be like to go out with him.. and little by little you find yourself thinking about
him more and more until you have this excitement inside….
ya know.. the butterflies. And when you go on your first date, you have an amazing time
together and the feeling just intensifies…. OK.. are you with me? You know the feeling
I’m talking about, right? Well.. when you have that experience with
another person, all of your interactions with him
(and his interactions with you) are primarily motivated by two equally powerful drives. The first and most obvious drive is the attraction
you feel towards him. It’s the excitement you feel, the desire to be near him and spend
time with him. You’re driven by the amazing way you feel when you’re together..
he makes you feel alive, excited, and turned on, right?
That’s your attraction towards him ……… And as you know, attraction is a super powerful
motivator. So, You love the way you feel when you are with him and you want more and more
of that feeling. . I’m sure you can agree that your attraction towards him is a powerful
driver and motivator of your interactions with him.. Now the second driver of your interactions
is the uncertainty you feel regarding his feeling for you. I mean Obviously you know
how you feel, but in the beginning, you’re not always sure that he feels the same about
you, right? So, what do you do in these beginning stages
when you want him, but you are still unsure of how he feels?
Well, you’re probably on your best behavior, you’re trying to express your attraction
towards him, while trying to impress and win his affection and attraction back…, because
again, you want to know that your feelings are being reciprocated, right? Well, what do me do when they are attracted
to a woman and want to date them? Well, he wants you to like them back, so he’s going
to try to woo you… he is going to try to win you over.. So he will take you on “real”,
traditional dates. He opens car doors, pulls up your chair, he is very gentleman like,
right? What else does he do? Well, he keeps in constant
communication with you, he texts you, he calls you, he makes plans with you, he listens to
you, he opens up to you, he goes out of his way to show you how he’s feeling, right?
And when a person is doing all of these things, he is investing in you.. he is investing in
a future with you …… for two reasons.. one, he is attracted to you, and two, he wants
you to want him back. So, he’s investing his time, his energy, and his thoughts, into
you and the relationship. And as I’ve talked about before, the more we invest in something,
the more effort we put into someone or something, the more we appreciate and like them as a
result. So the result of him trying so hard and investing
in you and the relationship, is his growing love and appreciation for you because of those
investments.. Now, with these ideas in mind, what happens
when a man has no fear of a woman ever leaving him? What happens when he knows you’re obsessed
with him and terrified of losing him? Well, then ½ of his motivation,
½ of his drive, and ½ of his attraction is removed and he no longer has to try so
hard.. he no longer has to work on securing your love and attention.
If he has no fear of ever losing you, he knows he doesn’t have to be on top of his game
and you’ll still be there. So, the result, he takes you for granted, he underappreciates
you, and he no longer works as hard on making the relationship great. And that’s when you need to gently remind
him of your value in his life and that your love for him is not unconditional… he needs
to know that your relationship and your loyalty also depends on how he treats you… just
as it did in the beginning. He needs to be a little bit worried about losing you.
So, if you’re in a relationship and feeling taken for granted, or unappreciated, and you
want to remind him of your value and importance in his life, here are the 5 tips that will
make him worry about losing you and turn things around for your relationship. 1. Let Go of Your Anger and Stop Talking About
Feeling Unappreciated Ok. This one is difficult to do, but absolutely
essential. Let me explain. When you feel like he’s taking you for granted or that he doesn’t
appreciate you, it’s natural to feel hurt and even angry about it..
And, it makes sense that you would want to talk about it.. And sometimes, that is enough
to temporarily turn things around.. However, if things don’t change, continuing to bring
up your complaints might actually make things worse.. And despite all of the conversations
, nothing changes.. things just get more difficult between you.. it’s like he sees you as the
one who is always complaining and nagging him.
So you must not bring this topic up again.. at least not yet… I know it’s not easy
to do, but if you continue to bring it up, you could sabotage your chances of turning
things around. . So, despite how you’re feeling, you must not let him know that you
are upset, or sad, or worried. Instead, after you do these steps, he’s going to be the
one missing you and appreciating you and he will bring it up.. So give yourself a break
from worrying about this.. say maybe a month or two.. trust me… if you do these things,
he’s going to notice and he’s going to bring it up. #2 Resurrect Your Social Life Outside of His
Go out with your friends and have fun again, away from your man. Do something for you…
take up a new hobby or do something that you enjoy. This forces him to recognize your independence
and that you’re not just sitting by the phone waiting for his calls.
Remember, one of the most important things that men find attractive in women is independence.
He’s got to know how full and complete your life is. And, if he becomes part of it, it
is because you WANT him to be part of it, not because you NEED him to part of it. So make sure you are keeping up with the life
you had prior to meeting him. BE yourself and make yourself a priority. Make and keep
plans with your girlfriends and keep your schedule busy.
This goes a long way towards helping him to see you as a high value woman with an exciting
life…. And when you do that he is going to want to be a part of that…. And when
he isn’t, he’s going to feel that too. So when he calls last minute to make plans…
Oops.. sorry, I have plans… this will make him prioritize and plan his time with you.
He will also begin to recognize that he does NOT get the privilege of calling you or asking
you to go out when he feels the whim. He has to earn back that “high priority” status.
So Make other plans and he will start to remember how you used to be available for him, when
he prioritized the relationship.. 3.Glamorize Your Looks and Prioritize Your
Fitness When in a relationship, it’s common for
people to get so comfortable that they let their appearance fade. If this resonates with
you, it’s time to start glamorizing the way you look when you’re with him, and when
you’re not with him. So, dress well, make sure your hair and your
skin is glowing.. , if you’ve gained a few pounds and don’t
have the same hour glass figure that you had when you met him, getting back into shape
is something that he will certainly notice and appreciate.
So, join a gym or start following a particular workout program and make it a priority. Look
your best. He’s going to notice when other men are paying more attention to you and that’s
going to remind him that other men find you attractive. Now, if you’re a person who
is always looking your best, consider making a change in the way you look.
Perhaps you can change your hair length or color, change your style of clothing,
Or change your makeup.. just make sure that it’s enough of a change that he will notice
and a change that makes you look sexier and more glamourous.
The psychology behind these changes are two fold. First, he’s going to be wondering
why you’ve made this significant change in the way that you look.. He’s going to
be questioning why it’s so important for you to look better, for you to look different?
And he’s going to question if it is because you want to be attractive to other men. And
again, this is going to provoke just a little bit of fear that someone else could take his
place. The second thing that happens when you change the way you look or the way you
dress.. he’s going to be wondering if you’re also changing your feelings.. 4.. Have the talk when the time is right.
This is super important.. if you have done these first steps correctly, your boyfriend
will definitely recognize a change and will probably become concerned and might even object
to these changes. That’s a good thing. You want him to recognize and remember that he
has an amazing woman. If he doesn’t notice the changes.. that’s when you should be
concerned. So again, You aren’t the one who should bring up this topic..
But When he notices your changes, he’s either going to step up his game and become more
loving and more like he used to be, or he’s going to bring up what he’s noticed and
want to have a conversation about it. And that’s perfect. And when he does, Be clear
and honest about what you want and your expectations for the relationship.. This is when you are
going to give him examples of when you’ve felt taken for granted, this is when you’re
going to explain the differences in the way he has been behaving.. So be clear and tell
him what you need. 5. Be willing to walk away
You MUST be willing to walk away from someone and something if it isn’t working.
He needs to feel that you aren’t willing to settle, that you aren’t going to tolerate
behaviors or actions of his that you don’t agree with..
So, in order for him to really appreciate you, he needs to experience this ‘fear of
loss’ – essentially, the fear of losing you. This fear will be even greater if you
are your BEST self because this type of fear in fact, is rooted in LOVE. . But He will
only experience this if he knows you are willing and able to walk away from something that
isn’t right for YOU. So, keep your head up.. forget about what you fear and remember
what you deserve.. If he is not appreciating you, if he doesn’t value you, if he isn’t
treating you with respect and love, you must be willing to put your self respect above
your feelings and walk away. Remember, New relationships should be exciting,
passionate, and easy. When you really like someone, you want them to know how valuable
and important the relationship is. And, you want to know that your feelings are reciprocated
— so , you treat them with as much affection and consideration as you can. That is exactly
how you should be treated in return. Don’t settle for anything less..
These tips will work for you.. Believe me, they are all based on focusing on you, prioritizing
you, looking amazing, feeling amazing, and reminding him that he is with an amazing woman
and he must work to ensure he keeps you interested in him.
Now, I should also say that if you’re dealing with a man who is a playing mind games or
manipulating you, these tips will probably not work that well.. so, Click here to watch
a video about the signs that he’s playing and using you, or click here to watch the
video youtube thinks you will enjoy.. and please smash that subscribe button to get
more videos that will help you build a great relationship so you can grow happy together..
I’ll see you in the next video.